prayer for God

malem Tuhan..

Tuhan tolong lindungin mami ya..

mami kenapa sih Tuhan?

kaya stress gitu..

papi barusan masuk kamer, 11:30 MALEM, cm buat ngomong:

mami lg sakit, td panggil cc diana kerumah,

mgkn mau cek ke dr singapur ada apa..

From what i can see, mami cuma suka terbenam ama pikiran2 negatif yg setiap hari

ga pernah lepas..

Tuhan, jefry mohon Tuhan tolong jagain mami..

buang semua stres2nya ga tau mikirin apa..

Amin..

Thanks God, u are my best friend when i have no one to talk anymore..

buat Tuhan

Tuhan Yesus.. lagi available?

Tuhan.. jefry lagi mau cerita..

Tuhan.. kenapa sih.. Tuhan bikin jefry jadi anak bungsu, tapi yg beda umurnya jauh?

Tuhan pasti tau, kalo dari kecil, dari sd kelas 6, jefry dirumah selalu sendirian..

cc ndes yg umurnya beda plg dikit (4 th) udah ke malay kan waktu itu Tuhan?

kenapa dari kelas 6 sd, papi mami dirumah pun jarang soalnya sering ke luar kota?

jefry tau, kalo papi mami kerja keras, cari uang buat anak2nya, termasuk jefry..

Tuhan tau..?

jefry ngerasa hidup sendirian itu berat.. berat banget..

dulu, sm temen2 sekolah aja, jefry dibilang anak pembantu,

gr2 papi mami jarang dirumah sampe pada bisa nginep seminggu sekali kl rumah kosong..

Tuhan tau..?

kalo jefry pengen banget, punya temen cerita, dari duluuuuu banget..

jefry ga bisa cerita ke siapa2 kalo ada cerita seneng, sedih, apapun itu..

kalo rapot jefry bagus, ga ada yg muji..

kalo rapot kebakaran, ga ada yg peduli juga..

kalo jefry pulang malem, ga ada yg kuatir..

kalo jefry ulang taun, juga harus susah payah minta papi mami ngerayain.. sekali yang jefry inget cuma di pizza jaman dulu..

kalo jefry lagi sakit, mau minta tolong sama siapa?

pembantu paling bisa ngerokin..

kalo jefry ga bisa tidur, siapa yg ajak jefry ngobrol?

Tuhan pernah kasih jefry bbrp orang buat temenin jefry.. kenapa Tuhan ambil lagi..?

Tuhan kasih phoebe 3 taun an buat cerita2 masalah jefry.. tiba2 ilang ga tau kemana..

Tuhan kasih margie 2 taun lebih buat cerita semua ttg jefry.. mau yg sehari2 seneng2/susah..

tp selalu Tuhan ambil lagi..

Tuhan tau kan..?

kalo di gereja, jefry selalu doa kalo jefry ga mau kesepian lagi..

jefry pikir, kalo jefry percaya sama Tuhan, apapun yg jefry lakuin akan berbuah baik..

Tuhan.. kenapa sih?

kenapa jefry harus kesepian lagi?

sampe mau cerita aja, harus nulis sama blog yang notabene ga punya kuping untuk denger

yg ga punya mata buat bagi2 nangisnya, biar ga terlalu sembab ini mata..

Tuhan Yesus,

kalo Tuhan lagi baca apa yg jefry ketik..

jefry mohon Tuhan..

mohon..

kasih satu orang yang bisa temenin jefry lagi.. siapapun itu..

jefry bakal terima kasih banget sama Tuhan,

krn Tuhan udah nunjukkin kalo jefry masih didenger sm Tuhan..

moga2 jefry bisa tidur abis ini ya Tuhan..?

Amin...

dejavu

dear mr blog..

today i realised something..

im having a big dejavu..

when LD kills a relationship..

she has been a different person

she is way too busy with her friends

she is way too busy with exams, assignments

she is way too busy with her......, ......., ......., and ....... you name it as you like

and i have been patiently waiting since early december..

this is late january, and nothing has changed..

wait, there is something, we are getting apart farther away..

the dejavu isnt this part..

but, when it is nearly time that i am going to get to 'her' place, whoever she is, we are going separate ways..

you have promised me that 'panda ada buat gepu ga cuma waktu seneng,tp wkt susah jg'

well.. you have broken that promise, and time has told me: to give up...

been 2 months,

even when i was sick, you were barely there..

kalo lagi sakit aja ga pernah ada, apalagi waktu lg sehat, hepi, dan keadaannya ga urgent?

God: help me, i fell again.

Saat aku tertawa diatas semua

Saat aku menangisi kesedihanku


Aku ingin engkau selalu ada

Aku ingin engkau aku kenang


Selama aku masih bisa bernafas

Masih sanggup berjalan kukan slalu memujamu

Meski ku tak tahu lagi engkau ada dimana

Dengarkanlah aku kumerindukanmu


Saat aku mencoba merubah segalanya

Saat aku meratapi kekalahanku


Aku ingin engkau selalu ada

Aku ingin engkau aku kenang

persistency

per·sis·tent (pər-sĭs'tənt, -zĭs'-)
adj.

1. Refusing to give up or let go; persevering obstinately.

   
   

   that up there, is the definition of it.

   whats on my mind, is to stop being persistent.

   end of story.

is on the verge of breaking down

how tough can he be?

how long can he lasts?

he doesnt want to look tough, because he is not..

but he wants to last forever til God decides to take his soul back..

this is about a random guy's story..

this guy have been fighting, make a lot of efforts..

a lot means everything he got, all i know by being his friend, he is nearly burnt out..

burnt out enough to just leave out all the rest to life's flow..

but his life flow isnt synchronizing with him..

it is, somehow, go against him.

poor him, he was under this state -perhaps worse- when he went separate ways with his ex, long, years ago..

i could remember they got separated by time and space 3 years ago..

people say, true love grows as the time goes by..

it grows bigger, no matter how far space separates them..

take a simple example when you feel homesick, it proves that the love grows..

but after time goes by, this so-called-'love' is getting weaker, as if it nearly dies, prematurely.

until it finally died, they didnt get to say proper goodbye..

once again, he is trapped under this state..

i can see hes stuck, not be able to move anywhere.

not forward, not backwards, not to the sides either..

all he could do is wait..

why is that?

because love -the true ones- needs 2 sides to be 'needing' each other,

'protecting' each other,

'caring' each other,

'supporting' each other,

'missing' each other,

you name it..

all the efforts he put into it.. after 8 months, isnt get replied..

maybe, if he is still the old-dumb-guy when he used to 'love' the same girl for 6 years, i could still understand his circumstances..

hes grown a lot since then..

and i know his outer beauty, his face, his lifestyle, his approaches, everything have changed,

but his inside.. his dumb heart and brain are still there.. it never changed, at all.

8 months, he said he was happy when hes got accepted,

perhaps after 4 months of being ignored and all,

hes got accepted by that so-incredibly-charming-beautiful-popular girl, that every guy have always wanted,

he felt happy.

he stayed happy, he got his passion back, for his own good..

but not long..

3 months, i saw him he was very happy with his life,

then everything changed to the beginning..

ignored,

not cared,

stranded,

"so what?",

are his daily foods..

and i see now, that poor guy is standing right here, in front of me

isnt getting any healthier, he is on the verge of breaking down..

and i see this guy from my room's mirror. . .

that girl,

she used to say she'd try..

she used to pray for that guy constantly..

she used to care when that guy struck by the ghost of his past..

she used to treat that guy's wounds..

she used to accompany that guy anywhere, anytime: church, car, dinner time, you name it..

she used to wait for that guy to come home until late..

she used to lift that guy, high..

and now, she slams him down back to earth..

is stressed out

...

almost a month, ive been forced to isolate myself..

this is not going very well..

i will stop,

stop to do this forcefully to myself

to keep the care i have for you, while you dont even reply it...

because it is killing me, softly, slowly, but painfully..

a month..

kata glenn fredly,

mulai kini, semua terserah...